I have a few regrets in this life. I regret every sunset on the beach that I missed. I regret everytime I walked past a field of daisies and didn't roll around in them. I regret every book I didn't start or finish. I regret every child I didn't smile at. I regret every penny I didn't throw in a wishing well. I regret every thunderstorm I didn't run out and play in. I regret every day I put in overtime instead of going out with my friends. I regret never skinny dipping in wading pool. I regret every doobie that came my way and I turned down. I regret every of my son's hot hardbody school friends I didn't seduce. I regret every tampon I flushed down a public toilet and clogged their drains. I regret every glob of spit in my customer's food from when I was a waitress. I regret every car accident I fled. I regret every police officer I didn't go down on to get out of a speeding ticket. I regret my divorce when I should have been having menage a trois with my husband and his mistress. I regret every hitchhiker I picked up and didn't get it on in the backseat. But most of all, I regret not living life to its fullest. I didn't have a bad life, but I could have had a better one. Let this be a lesson to all. Do what you want, it is the only life you have and you don't want to be lying in bed at 70 years old, your life wasting away on some damn hospital machine just wishing that somebody out there was still masturbating to an old bootleg amature porn tape starring you and three well-hung studs.

Dana Humick
1922-1993

"I could have been used a little more"