So I'm watching this sex show on HBO and they are talking about how much jiz this one dude spewed. The lady said about two teaspoons worth. I had to find out, I figure there was almost that much that ran down onto my hand from a zesty session with myself.

First off, let me tell you that it's very hard to aim a huge load of spew into a little teaspoon. There I am standing in my kitchen hoping to hell that my Canadian roommates don't come home early. I could see it now... *whack*whack*whack*

"Hey there Aye, what in the fuck are you doing "?

"Uhhhh... it's an American tradition" "What"?

"Yep, here in America we show our loyalty by spewing into a spoon"

"Then what"?

"Then the rest of the household gets to share it"

EW!

Anyway... So like I was saying, spewing into a teaspoon is a lot harder than it sounds. I managed to get some of it in the spoon but a good amount went all over the floor by the fridge and some hit the counter by the sink. Normally I just wipe what's on my hand off and call it a date. But I needed to measure this stuff, you know for scientific reasons. I set the first spoon down on the counter and grabbed another to get what was on my hand. And then a third spoon to scoop up what was on the floor. It was interesting getting it from the floor because I had to use the soup eating method to get the sticky goo off the floor and into the teaspoon without leaving a long stringer that could potentially pull my specimen from the spoon back onto the floor. Now I had three partially filled teaspoons on the counter and a fair amount of "glaze" on the floor, my hand, and the counter. I wanted to be as accurate as possible so I grabbed one of the spatula things that you use for cake batter and shit like that. So I started scraping up the remnants of my "baby batter" and wouldn't you know it I fuck up and hit one of the spoons just right while I'm shaking the remnants into the spoon. The damn thing flies off the counter through the window between the kitchen and the dinning area toward the living room. It was like slow motion as I watched this teaspoon tumbling through the air with a gob of goo then WHACK! It hits my black leather recliner.

Shit!

There goes that experiment... I'll have to clean up and try tomorrow. While I'm wiping down the recliner I hear a key hit the lock on the door! My fucking heart comes out of my chest and I'm freaking out. Quickly I smear the rest of my spew into the chair and make for the kitchen where two half filled teaspoons with my bodily fluid are perched on the counter next to a spatula with dried semen on it. I panic and throw the stuff into the dish rack beside the sink and nonchalantly walk out of the kitchen. "What's up guys"? "Nothing much, just thirsty as hell" The color in my face drains... What to do?? I can't explain what I was doing to my roommates, they would never understand. So, I do the next best thing... I go downstairs to my bedroom and just sit on my bed and stare at the dried, smeared goo on my hand. I can hear the water running.. Now the silverware drawer opens.. Slams shut... A rustle in the dish rack.. And the familiar sound of a spoon clanging the sides of a glass while stirring your favorite mixed drink.... Silence... Then I hear one of my roommates speak... "Man, this tastes really salty"! *EW* (I am sTupid)

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